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Single dads step up to raise their children
The Hour
Sunday, June 15, 2008
By Steve Kobak
Hour Staff Writer
For two local single fathers, every day is Father's Day.
Norwalkers Joe Cantey, 29, and Tommie Miller, 44, may not have
a mate to help raise their children but the two men said they put
their best effort forth.
"You can't be all things but, until the situation is better, what you
give is important," said Miller. "For a child to have his parent's love
and support is different from having any other individual's love and
support."
Cantey is one of six children who was raised by a single mother.
He said he grew up in a supportive environment and his mother
taught
him to be dedicated, sincere and stern when raising children.
Miller said he came from a good family background and, as with Cantey, he also learned how to support
his children from his parents.
"They gave me a sense of family and of what kids should expect from their parents as far as a sense of
safety and love," Miller said.
Cantey, who has four children, currently has custody of two of his children, Edward, 4, and Trinady, 2. He
said he learned from a court battle over his oldest children, Joseph Jr., 10, Tim, 6, and sought legal help to
gain custody of the youngest children.
Though he does not have full custody of Joseph Jr. and Tim, he tries to play a major role in their lives by
spending as much time as he can with them.
"I try to show them that, whenever I'm supposed to be there, I'll be there," Cantey said.
Miller said his children, Felicia, 18, Jordan, 8, and Mary, 4, are still close with their mothers but live with him
full time for stability reasons.
"They know their mothers and they spend time with them," he said. "They're living with me because that's
where the stability is right now."
Miller and Cantey realize a partner is important in addressing their children's needs but they try to devote
their efforts to these demands as they arise.
"When there is two people, there is a foundation for your kids," said Cantey. "There's questions that need to
be answered that you don't know how to answer."
Miller said a female partner lends a different view to domestic situations but he hopes to one day have a
partner in his life to address this matter.
"It could seem overwhelming," he said. "If you take it in all at once, it is overwhelming. You have to take it a
little at a time."
Cantey's children all describe their father as "fun and cool" and said he constantly helps them with their
homework and gives them advice. Edward and Tim enjoy playing wrestling video games with their father.
"We play all day," said Tim.
Cantey and Miller said various programs offered by Norwalk Economic Opportunity Now help lessen the
burden of working full time and supplement their children's needs.
Both men call the day care programs at NEON a godsend, as it provides day care for their children while
they are at work. The program also makes up for the lag time between school closing and the time they
leave work.
"For the fathers that are working, I don't know what we'd do if this wasn't here," Miller said.
The after-school and day care programs also take some of the burden off Miller's family, as Miller's mother
sometimes watches the children.
Still, the men cannot always find time to themselves. Cantey went to college for one semester shortly after
Joseph Jr. was born but said he felt like he was not supporting his son enough. He soon dropped out of
college.
Miller said he has recently found a balance between his family life and personal time. He sometimes
drops his children off at his mother's house and is taking a course at a community college.
"By yourself, it seems like there is never enough time in the day," said Miller.
Staff writer Steve Kobak covers general assignments. He may be reached by e-mail at
skobak@thehour.com or by phone at (203) 354-1049
The Hour
Sunday, June 15, 2008
By Steve Kobak
Hour Staff Writer
For two local single fathers, every day is Father's Day.
Norwalkers Joe Cantey, 29, and Tommie Miller, 44, may not have
a mate to help raise their children but the two men said they put
their best effort forth.
"You can't be all things but, until the situation is better, what you
give is important," said Miller. "For a child to have his parent's love
and support is different from having any other individual's love and
support."
Cantey is one of six children who was raised by a single mother.
He said he grew up in a supportive environment and his mother
taught
him to be dedicated, sincere and stern when raising children.
Miller said he came from a good family background and, as with Cantey, he also learned how to support
his children from his parents.
"They gave me a sense of family and of what kids should expect from their parents as far as a sense of
safety and love," Miller said.
Cantey, who has four children, currently has custody of two of his children, Edward, 4, and Trinady, 2. He
said he learned from a court battle over his oldest children, Joseph Jr., 10, Tim, 6, and sought legal help to
gain custody of the youngest children.
Though he does not have full custody of Joseph Jr. and Tim, he tries to play a major role in their lives by
spending as much time as he can with them.
"I try to show them that, whenever I'm supposed to be there, I'll be there," Cantey said.
Miller said his children, Felicia, 18, Jordan, 8, and Mary, 4, are still close with their mothers but live with him
full time for stability reasons.
"They know their mothers and they spend time with them," he said. "They're living with me because that's
where the stability is right now."
Miller and Cantey realize a partner is important in addressing their children's needs but they try to devote
their efforts to these demands as they arise.
"When there is two people, there is a foundation for your kids," said Cantey. "There's questions that need to
be answered that you don't know how to answer."
Miller said a female partner lends a different view to domestic situations but he hopes to one day have a
partner in his life to address this matter.
"It could seem overwhelming," he said. "If you take it in all at once, it is overwhelming. You have to take it a
little at a time."
Cantey's children all describe their father as "fun and cool" and said he constantly helps them with their
homework and gives them advice. Edward and Tim enjoy playing wrestling video games with their father.
"We play all day," said Tim.
Cantey and Miller said various programs offered by Norwalk Economic Opportunity Now help lessen the
burden of working full time and supplement their children's needs.
Both men call the day care programs at NEON a godsend, as it provides day care for their children while
they are at work. The program also makes up for the lag time between school closing and the time they
leave work.
"For the fathers that are working, I don't know what we'd do if this wasn't here," Miller said.
The after-school and day care programs also take some of the burden off Miller's family, as Miller's mother
sometimes watches the children.
Still, the men cannot always find time to themselves. Cantey went to college for one semester shortly after
Joseph Jr. was born but said he felt like he was not supporting his son enough. He soon dropped out of
college.
Miller said he has recently found a balance between his family life and personal time. He sometimes
drops his children off at his mother's house and is taking a course at a community college.
"By yourself, it seems like there is never enough time in the day," said Miller.
Staff writer Steve Kobak covers general assignments. He may be reached by e-mail at
skobak@thehour.com or by phone at (203) 354-1049
| Norwalk Economic Opportunity Now, Inc. Making The Case For Change... Engaging The Community To End Poverty |
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| Hour photo / MATTHEW VINCI Single father Joe Cantey picks up his four children, Tim, 6, Trinady, 2, Joey,10, and Edward, 4, from Nathaniel Ely day care Thursday. |
